No matter how much calm, gentle or emotional we might be but humans have a very common value of holding negative emotions when an uncertain situation has taken place. This happens at all age groups because humans never try to learn through their past experiences. You might have experienced a problem which you felt was uncomfortable. Now take that situation in the current example and let’s understand what grudge really is. Suppose if your friend tries to laugh when you are feeling uncomfortable in that situation, then won’t you feel angry in turn?
Why not because this will feel more like a challenge rather than bothering about the friendship. And in some manner you will also try to avoid him or her for a very long period of time. We do this all the time especially when someone is trying to act toxic to our mind.
We feel disrespected by their words and the way they talk with attitude can be triggering. It doesn’t matter how much calm or peace minded person you are because once in a while we hold on our emotions for the sake of respect and to earn dignity. In simple words we can say that we try to preserve our ego. This ego is one of the greatest weapon of several world wars which had happened in the past.
If it is taken in a negative manner then it can cause a huge amount of destruction and loss for the others too. Even the border wars are caused due to holding on a common grudge. When a country tries to invade the border of neighbouring country then it is mostly reflected to people by the media. Just take example, if several soldiers of your country are killed in a war, then won’t it impact patriots in some manner?
Yes of course, this is because each one of us love our boundaries especially when it is related to a country. At that time we won’t think about how poor or rich our country is. And this similar thought is related when we are the owner of our body, and when someone tries to disrespect it. We know the amount of time and work we have sowed in developing ourselves and someone’s insults can be really discouraging.
On the other hand there are some people who think this in a very different perspective. They take an insult or complain positively so that they can work over themselves. No one has created this because we hold this value from the time of birth itself. It depends on us how we take those insults. Everyone has a different way to handle such emotions. While others who are insensitive and weak fall trap in others judgement. You can use as a motivation to kill someone or to choose to improve yourself.
There is a term called “Adaptation”. If you are not capable of adapting to that kind of environment then you won’t be able to survive. For example, when we travel to a place or a new city, we see a lot of changes in the tradition especially it includes those countries which have variable culture and tradition. When you are stepping on someone’s homeland for travel or to work, we are able to recognize difference in our feelings towards the environment.
The way we feel for our homeland might be different than living on someone else’s home land. This can basically be felt through the difference in lifestyle of people. What we adapted is different from theirs. So in such situation in order to create the same feeling, will you try to change the culture? Will you be able to think about it? Of course not because no one will allow you to do so. In turn you have to adapt to survive in that kind of environment.
You have to change with them and follow the way they are living. This was a very necessary example to understand why we often hold grudge. We do it because we can’t survive in their toxic thoughts. We might also feel them as a piece of shit. But now suppose thousands of people start insulting you for the same. No one is trying to support you. Will you be able to hold grudge on all of them?
We won’t because we will fall back and think what is wrong. Adaptation is a very important term for every human on this planet for him/her to survive in a changing environment. We can’t hold on a grudge for a longer period of time, if we want to live in that society. Without adaptation life is impossible. That’s simple!
HOLDING GRUDGE WILL HINDER POSITIVE THINKING
Have you ever seen people who talk good at one end and think bad at the other end? Of course such people exist and in order to not let others know about their feelings, they mysteriously hide them. Especially when they hold a very deep hatred on someone who controls them.
Take example of your boss, teacher or any senior who shows a different attitude towards you. You might be telling him/her about how much you respect him/her or like his/her qualities but deep down you always think about him/her as an idiot, asshole and feel of punching 365 pounds of weight on his/her face. Just joking, but we feel in the similar manner especially when seniors don’t try to respect us.
At the same time we can’t do anything because they are controlling us. A grudge in such case can be fatal to your thinking. At same time it can be a disaster for your mental health. If you are holding grudge over someone then it can degrade your thinking at a deeper level. You won’t be able to think positive about that person and even of yourself. You will be constantly thinking about how to destroy his/her life and that feeling will mess you more.
We might have heard that the surrounding will affect your thinking which is true for every human. A person will like to get involved if he/she loves that group. When we are comfortable with someone we like to spend time with them. And that is why the people are around can control our feelings only if we let them to do so.
Grudge especially takes place when we hold emotions such as anger, hatred and ego. Freedom has a deeper meaning and does not include such shit. Grudge is created by us and only we have that right to not let it control our thoughts. You can be free if you take nothing personally. And that is how one should live life.
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